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Codependent individuals focus too heavily on the needs of their partner (“My happiness is dependent on making/keeping you happy”), and define themselves by their relationship, sometimes lowering their personal standards to please someone else.Some women choose abusive partners in early recovery because they lack discernment or grew accustomed to being treated poorly in childhood.“Whether the object of the addiction is drugs or an unhealthy attachment to another person, the individual is searching for something outside themselves to fill the emotional void within.” The “rush” of a new relationship can be emotionally damaging and can derail even the most valiant recovery effort.In most cases, individuals who can’t refrain from having a relationship in the first year of recovery are missing an opportunity to address the core issues underlying their addictions.Desloover also advises newly recovering women to attend women-only 12-Step meetings during that first year.By working your program, you will discover who you are and what you can bring to your relationships, rather than what you can get from them.

“We have to learn to love ourselves before we can love someone else.” People in recovery might choose to date a very different type of person when they first quit using as compared to when they have achieved a year of sobriety, observes Desloover.The first few months of recovery from addiction are some of the most difficult.Insomnia, triggers, drug cravings, and the need to deal with emotions that were previously numbed with drugs make early recovery a period of enormous adjustment.Most recovering addicts have a long history of dysfunctional and destructive relationships.Early in recovery, relationships are one of the leading causes of relapse.

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